


He Couldn’t Do This Any Longer

by MrsLadybug



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alien Lance (Voltron), Altean Lance (Voltron), Angst, Druid Lance, Haven't decided a relationship yet, Langst, Tags May Change, magic lance, no decided time period, set in an ambiguous time frame
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-10-25
Packaged: 2019-04-14 07:47:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14131464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrsLadybug/pseuds/MrsLadybug
Summary: They can't ever know, that's something Lance has made sure he remembers. But with everything being so hard to control anymore he might have to turn to the one person he's scared to become, but it's all too protect his friends from the monster he really is, so this is the right decision. Right?  [[Currently On Hiatus]]





	1. Chapter 1

He couldn’t do this any longer. It was starting to ache his body to keep it in control. This power wasn’t meant to be contained, it’s as ongoing as his heart. No matter how hard he may try he couldn’t stop his heart.

He didn’t have a place to release this grave power. All the rooms are always unlocked, everyone always wonders. He couldn’t take the chance, but he didn’t know how long he could contain it though. It was all a matter of time before the cat is out of the bag.

He couldn’t hide his shaking, headaches, how he was cold to the touch but always felt hot, and the way he was always thirsty, he was actually showing signs of hypothermia and dehydration. They didn’t start to notice when it was starting, but now he knew they all could tell. His team were all side eyeing him and ready to jump in at any moment if something happened. He, Lance, couldn’t understand why they haven’t said anything, but he doesn't look a gifted horse in the mouth.

That was after what he can assume has been three weeks, they finally asked the dreaded question. They finished training (Lance didn’t do so well) and were eating a oddly quiet dinner of weird space goo. When Lance got up to clean his plate up and grab more water, Shiro grabbed his arm.

“Wait,” he looked up to the taller man and set down his plate, “are you okay? And don’t you dare say you are. Oh god, you’re absolutely cold to the touch.” He brought his warm hand to his forehead to pull them away quickly wide-eyed. Shiro took in more of his features, tracing his silver eyes all over his trembling body. “Lance,” he said in his strong demanding voice.

Lance averting his gaze to lock eyes with his best friend, Hunk, that had sad eyes, he looked like he wanted to talk but couldn’t. He couldn’t look at his troubled friend, so he then shifted his gaze only seeing his other teammates troubled faces. He kept opening his mouth then shutting it.

He took a deep breath, like ripping off a band-aid, he just said his pointless words, “It’s my problem so please don’t interfere. I just need some space, please.” He looked back to the scarred man, “Lance, we gave you space and you still aren’t better. It’s time for us to step in and help.” Lance sighed as he picked up the dirty dishes, he just wanted to clean up and get some water, not this. Anything but this.

He scoffed as he started to walk off, he could feel their disappointment burning into the back of his head. He walked out of the dining room as the automatic doors hissed shut. He dumped (threw) his plate into the futuristic dishwasher, moving to a cabinet grabbing a cup with shaking hands. 

He took a deep breath through his dry mouth, turning around filling up his cup with water. He snuck back to his room taking sips all the way to his room, before he new it was half empty when he got back to his room. He walked in his door shutting behind him, wishing he could just lock it. Curse this ship's mechanics.

He chugged the rest of his glass slamming his cup down with a new determination. He walked over to his small bathroom attached to his bedroom, turning to face his mirror he sighed. “I guess this is my last resort,” he sighed, his dry mouth attempting to wet his lips. 

He turned on the water preparing for the worse. He was going to attempt to contact his birth mother, honestly she didn't even deserve that title with all she has done, but she's helped him through stuff like this before. He looked down at the filling sink then glanced at the door, he had to be ready to shut down contact at any second if any of his team came.

He shut off the water then shoved his hands into the lucid liquid. He focused letting his problems go as different ice crystals formed off from his hands. He breathed a silent breaths as he let the temperature drop, but not too much, wouldn't want to alert the systems to an anomaly. 

He looked down at the thin sheet of ice over the water, as he pulled his hands out proceeding to tap on the ice thinking of the person he wanted to talk to, just like how he was taught. A flickering glow appeared and he new she answered his call.

“H-hi Mother. Ummm… long time no see?” he shied away from her view in the sink, as she smirked. “Yes, hello Lance,” she tilted her head, her smile faded, “why are you still hiding in that form? No one can see you.” The blue paladin stiffen, “I-I don't know, it's just comforting, I guess?” he mentally cursed himself for making it a question.

She scoffed at him, “I sent you away in cryosis for about 10,000 years to protect you from war, and yet you can't even appreciate your true form? How pathetic.” Ah, there's the woman Lance knew. “Why did you call me? I'm a busy women, blue paladin,” she scoffed at the name, as if it was poison and she needed to spit it out fast and in disgust.

He sighed, shifting into his birth form to please his biological mother hoping to get her to be more willing to help him. His ears elongated and his hair started to fade into a light white with stray blue strands making his hair appear a off whitish blue as well as his tan skin taking a slight purple hue but still retaining its original color. His body didn't stop changing, under his eyes appeared dark blue marks coming from the far corners of his eyes sweeping down to the center of his cheeks, and he grew taller about the height of Shiro but just a few hairs shorter as he felt markings, hidden under his clothes, form. He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, as unknown strain left his body and he felt more relaxed.

He looked up from the water containing his mother's image to the mirror, feeling his mother's smile burn into his newly formed skin. He honestly wasn't used to seeing himself like this, ‘huh,’ he thought as he touched his face markings, ‘I guess this is what I'm supposed to look like.’ Lance quickly redirected his focus back onto the lady in his sink.

“Their’s my child,” she cooed, “but be quick, I have things to attend too.” she stated the last part in distaste. Lance sighed, might as well rip off the band-aid, again, “I need help controlling my powers. I have been withholding my powers in an attempt to hide it and I don't know how to keep it up.” He waited for the scolding, and just as he expected there it was. 

“Why would you dream of withholding such a gift in! You should feel lucky and not ungrateful! You Little-” she stilled from her outburst, regaining her calm composure, “if you must know, this power that you hold cannot be held back. It will only pile up until the dam breaks, and when it breaks it will destroy everything in its path, Lance,” she warned him. “Lance, I can see that this is affecting you negatively. Keeping on this path will only hurt you and those around you.”

“I know, that's why I'm contacting you. Is there-” he took a deep breath and tried again, “Is there anyway I could let out my powers at a healthy rate or umm,” he waved his hand “something. Please, I'm begging you help me.” His mother had a devilish smirked, “and what would I get in return?” her voice was sly dripping malevolence.

He hesitated, knowing what his mother can do, she is the definition of evil in some cases. Did he really have a choice in the matter though? Probably not, it's either have a high risk of physically hurting his friends and himself or do whatever his mother wants and she’ll help him. Honestly, there's not even a second thought when hurting his friends are involved. “Anything you want, Mother.”

She smiled as her features were taking on a wicked glow, ‘Oh god. I’m going to regret this.’ the lone boy thought. “What do you wha-” he was cut off by a hasty knock and the sound of Shiro's voice, “are you okay, Lance? I hear you talking, are you with someone?” The boy in question panicked, glancing up at his reflection he shifted back as fast as he could. 

He looked into the dreaded women's eye's, speaking in a hush voice, “Mother, I'm sorry, w-we’ll talk about it later. I promise.” She nodded her head as her smirk grew. With that he ended the call by breaking the ice, and destroying all the evidence he could of anything odd. “Lance? Are you alright? I'm coming in.” the black paladin entered the bedroom noticing it's emptiness then glanced at the bathroom, he approached it with caution.

As he was about to open it when the teenager he was looking for busted out, a painfully obvious fake grin plastering his face. “Whaddup Shiro?” His voice strong and filled with fake joy, his body was shaking as if he was wearing only shorts in a blizzard. Lance's body was tense as Shiro realized the breeze from the bathroom flowed out colder than normal, ‘weird, why would it be so cold’ he thought gazing into the seemingly normal bathroom.

“Lance, who were you talking to?” His voice was surprisingly soft for how stern it was. “Uh...I-I was just missing my mom?” Lance coughed, “I was just trying to think of what I'm going to tell her when I see her again,” Technically the first part wasn't a lie. Shiro looked down at the shorter boy with a skeptical gaze. “If you say so,” his words were slow and smooth like creamy peanut butter.

Sighing Shiro rubbed his brow, “I just want you to be honest with us. We’re a team, Lance. We won’t judge you.” Lance cast his gaze down in an abash state because of his half lies, “I just miss my family, Shiro.” The black paladin was trying his best to hide his frustration, “homesickness doesn’t make you ill, Lance. I want the truth, so I’ll ask one more time and you’re going to be honest with me. What’s going on, Lance?” The teenager in question looks up, blue eyes gazing into expecting silver ones. 

He opens his mouth choking on his word that don’t seem to be coming out. The older man exhaled, “I’ll let you think of what you’re gonna tell us for later,” Shiro glanced back as he made his way to the door, a stern parental look on his face, “and you will tell us.” The doors hissed shut as he left, Lance let out a groan of relief. He’s safe, for now at least. He looked behind him into the highly advanced space bathroom, consumed by the deal he made.

He needed some sleep and a shower, but right now he doesn’t want to go back into the bathroom, so sleep it is. Lance turned off all the lights and lied down onto the plain bed, closing his eyes hoping to ignore the raging storm going on in his body. He wished this constant pulse was just his blood, unfortunately it was something far more perilous.

~

His eyes shot open as the lights flashed red and the alarms blaring. “This better not be a training exercise,” grumbled the unstable paladin. He slipped off his royal blue robe sliding on his armor. Deciding to skip his morning routine not wanting to draw anymore scrutiny looks towards him by being late.

Lance gasped and groaned at his aching body. He pushed through this unwanted feelings, forcing his trembling legs to run. If this was hard he didn’t want to raid a Galra ship right now or anytime soon. Unfortunately duty calls, and in this case “duty” is an unrelenting war.

Out of the blue paladins view there were other paladins additionally converging upon the deck to await commands. When he got there he was (once again) the last one to make it upon the deck. His fellow teammates eyes traced his quaking figure, as he tried to play it cool plastering on a tired smile. 

Shiro seemed to be the first one (as always) ready for commands, “Princess, why are we here?” his strong display in his stature and voice. The white haired altean showed her superiority through her fiery gaze, and commanding voice, “we received a distress signal from the planet Hoth, a Ice planet who claims to be a base for rebel operations as one of the Blade’s have informed me. From the short message they sent out, the galra have found them, and we need to help them escape. They will be sheltered here till they find another base to hide out in.” Every soul in the room straightened not wanting to upset the ruler of a departed species.

Allura locked eyes with each paladin, finally her watchful eyes locked with the boy in blue. The warrior princesses’ exotic blue eyes Melted into the infinite sea that lies in the secretive boy’s own eyes. Instead of shying away Lance met her with a just a strong look despite his current situation.

Her decision was made, but her resolve was still left to her coursing thoughts. Reluctantly she had to let her concerns about Lance's condition go as that is not what matters right now. She couldn't fret over him like,what her humans would call, a hen mother (mother hen?).  
Allura’s voice was commanding as she said her next words, “Report to your lions, we will be there in the next 90 tics.” The young warriors rushed of to their, as Slav would say, unnecessarily complicated transportation system to their designated hangers. A mouth full if you will. 

“Entering the wormhole now, leave the hangers at my signal.” Lance took a trembling breath, as he felt hot in the cold air surrounding him. Blue comforts his worried thoughts. ‘He can do this! He will do this! Common Lance, just hold yourself together,’ the blue boy thought.

Taking a deep breath he awaited orders. As expected Shiro's intellectual voice broke through the silent static. “Since Black and Yellow are the biggest we have more room, so we will collect the rebels. Blue, Green, and Red distract and destroy as many galra as you can.”

Everyone signaled their agreements, preparing for Alluras signal. Lance readjust his grip on Blue’s controls, preparing for take off. The castle com system crackled to life through his helmet. 

The angelic voice attached to the woman with a snowy nest upon her head appeared on their consoles, an orange carrot running around in the background flipping switches. “Paladins,” her authoritative voice commanded attention, “NOW!”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHH!!! I'm late uploading this!!! *cough cough* 
> 
> This Chapter is 1000 MORE words than the last chapter so I hope y'all are up for that!
> 
> Anyway's half of this was read over and edited by a friend, the other half is hella raw, I will come back and fix punctuation and spelling later, for now enjoy!

“NOW!”

Going out guns blazing, Keith was the fastest of all of them not waiting for the others to catch up. The Blue Lion was just behind the Red Lion, Lance right behind Keith as always. ‘Typical,’ Lance’s petty thoughts caught up to him. Once they were out of the Castles range Coran put the shields up.

The Red, Blue, and Green lions surrounded the Black and Yellow lions from heavy fire, blasting away left and right till they reached Hoth’s atmosphere where they let up back to fighting the Galra ships. Lance could hear grunting from the other Paladins as Shiro was directing Hunk and him to land. Lance’s palms were sweaty in his gloves as he gripped the controls feeling unbearably hot and Thirsty, but as the adrenaline kicks in he feels a weight on his chest as he takes labored breaths in his dry mouth.

The weight felt icy and burning, Lance’s breaths now came out in cold puffs of air, thanking the fact they don’t have a video call on right now. “Lance,” Allura’s voice hummed through the call, “you’re body temperature is dropping and so is your oxygen levels. I don’t detect a leak in your cabin but can you please inform me why you’re body sensors are saying this?” The Princesses words came out uneasy and he can tell the rest of the paladins are listen in, hoping for a glimpse of an answer.

“Oh, Princess,” The Paladin in question took a shaky breath, partly to the ice he feels in his lungs and partly from having anxiety about answering the question wrong, “I thi-ink that I just broke the sensor putting the suit on.” He waited listening to the rustle from Hunk and Shiro’s com’s as they board rebels and refugees alike onto their ships as he waited for an answer. Patting himself on the back for the quick thinking and stepping harder on the gas because he stuttered. The Blue Paladin plunges forward going faster taking more hasty shots, he and the others waits for the Princesses response.

They hear a sharp intake of breath coming from the women who’s collected all their attention, “Lance,” the pause she take’s feels unbearable, “I just had Coran check if your statement is true, and…” He can feel the tension grow as she takes a long pause as if preparing herself for the worse, and Lance knows he’s in for a shit storm now. Her breath comes back and so does her strong voice when she continues, “Lance, what is your purpose for lying about such a thing! And don’t go ‘I didn’t know it was just a guess,’ like you’re some sort of idiot! Lance, tell me right now what’s going on in that suit of yours!” ‘Oh no’ Lance thought, “I really didn’t know!” Lance falsely defends himself.

“Oh really? Because the sensor in the body suit detected the small ticks your human body does because of lying, so do tell me why your sensors appear to be intact on the screen I have pulled up in front of me!” The snowied haired angel puffed her face out as her eye’s grew cold as the Altean looked at the body monitors of each of the Paladins. Each Paladins body monitor looked like a hollowed out outline of said paladins body types with a list of Altean letters and numbers printing next to each figure with a heart monitor showing below the bodies each, all slightly different but all the same, with their titles printed above. But what stuck out on the monitor is the ‘Blue Paladin’ being flashed in red as the abnormal data coming from him is highlighted in the same shade of red.

Lance couldn’t think straight trying to come up with a logical answer, but all of his ideas were avoiding him as he impatiently fires at the ships each second of silence growing more loud as he sees his hands unintentionally leaving frost on his gloves and Blue’s control’s. He’s so focused on how to answer Allura he doesn’t see the lazer coming right at him, and all the panicked shouts from the Red and Green Paladin watching the incoming laser are drowned out by Lance trying to keep the cold from escaping his finger tips.

The impact felt like it was in slow motion to everyone watching but all Lance felt was his head slamming against the headrest and then black. Cold began to fill the cockpit as frost devoured the inside of the Blue Lion as the brown haired boy laid limp in the pilot seat his breath coming out rapid from being the source of the cold. The Blue Lion fell as the impact from the lazer shorted the lion out, filling the inside with darkness.

The voices seemed to steadily go from a faint whisper to a booming voice as his vision started to see everything turn lighter as he was escaping the quiet darkness, but only from somewhere in front of him did the light come. The voices that filled his ears seem familiar but he just can't place his finger on it, but the more evident sound that lies in the background if these shouts is a high pitch whistling. The whistle didn’t sound artificial but like the wind, as if something is moving fast through the air. ‘could that be me? Is whatever I’m in producing that sound?’ soon after Lance’s question was answered when he felt an impact throwing him out of his seat and sprawled on the dash.

The Blue Paladin sat up taking inventory and deciding that he should finally answer his concerned teammates desperate calls before they do anything reckless (i.e. Keith). Lance took a heavy breath, loud enough for his team to hear something other than his grunts and groans, and spoke with a cheerier tone of voice but not so much so that he seemed happy he was shot down but enough to let them know Lance still had his optimism and spunk, enough for Lance to seem okay and not dying. Pretending the bruises he gained didn't exist Lance’s voice carried through the com’s a little staticy, but that's what to expect when your Lion isn't there to boost your signal, “Guys, I’m fine, but a few nicks. I’ll try and get my Lion up soon, just be patient. Keith and Pidge I’ll get back to you as soon as I can!” 

Shiro was the first to respond, and although his voice wasn’t harsh but you can tell that the leader was clearly upset, “if you're not feeling well don’t get back out there because you feel obligated too, I think we have it under control. None of us want to push you, and no one should start an argument during a fight, even if it was about your safety,” the Paladin lying in the dark ship can only imagine that Allura shied away at that comment, “and no one should be lying about their health. We should have an open policy, but this is a conversation for later. Sorry, I got off track, but you all get my point. Just get your Lion working, Lance, then play it by ear.” The quiet filled the com’s as they waited for their stranded teammate to respond.

Said teammate tried not to bring anymore attention to himself by snapping an attitude that he is capable of doing these things and taking care of himself, and not needing to be babied by their famous leader. So Lance did what Lance does, crack a joke, try to turn the mood lighter, because if he pretends that the situation he's stuck in isn't that bad then it won't be, it’s a physiology thing he heard from somewhere, if he recalls it’s “self-fulfilling Prophecy” was what it was called. To lead into the lighthearted reply Lance started with a chuckle and then let his breathy light laugh entwine with his word´s to keep everything light hearted, “Come on great leader, I’ll be fine, your sharpshooter is on the case!” In the background lance heard a quiet mumble from Pidge going “No one calls you that,” but everyone elected to ignore the comment after a failed attempt to not laugh, Lance continued on, “If I feel like I can’t fight or something is wrong I'll inform you, I promise this time. And I’ll get up there soon since I know your asses are getting creamed without me.” Lance let a sly twinkle in his face show, although no one could see him without his Lion working.

The secretive boy promising to not be secretive, and he knew his team didn’t believe him, but they did an odd chorus of mismatched words all holding the meaning of ‘we trust you, so okay, keep us informed,’ followed by a ‘we’re doing just fine, thank you! and no we're not getting creamed!’ due to Lance’s second comment bringing the team’s spirits up, that made a genuine smile form on Lance’s face, but soon that smile fell. Seeing frost grace over the cockpit was scary enough, but when he looked down at his hand’s he was terrified that he couldn’t stop the frost from spreading over his armor and onto anything his hand’s touch. The Blue Lion’s Paladin clenched his fist trying to hold the power in, forcing and dragging it to stay, although he knew no one could see him or his cockpit Allura and Coran were for sure monitoring his Vitals.

But Lance miscalculated what kind of strain that would have on his body and how his magic would react; and in short, it was bad. The Cuban dropped on the floor and screamed as his hands shook feeling as if he was being frozen alive, starting at his fingertips which were as distal away as they could be and slowly growing proximal to his chest and shoulders. Lance promised he would tell them if something was wrong, and something is definitely wrong, “Guu-AHH-ys, something is de-definetl-AHH-y wrong h-here,” and Lance could hear shouts but they sounded so far away it was hard to tell who was who and what was being said. Whenever Lance panted for air his breath came out in puffs of cold air, so much so he could see his own breath between his shrieks.

Looking down at his glove hands feeling as if fire was engulfing them, he noticed ice Crystals forming on his hand. At that note the Blue Paladin didn’t stop to think as he grabbed and tearing at his body suit trying to free his hands. He sighed a little when he managed to hear a ripping noise from them and tearing the fabric away revealing his off colored skin an unnatural shade of blue and the ice forming on his hands. He could feel the snow storm inside him burn, he can feel the nothing that is starting to set into his hands, the numbness setting in, 'this isn't good' He thought, 'this could give me nerve damage, crap.'

Lance let out a shaky breath, he felt like he was boiling alive he felt so hot, and the suit was only making him feel hotter, this darn heating system doesn't know when it's been hot enough. Shakily he stood up leaning on his chair and his dark monitor to support him as he stood on his exhausted legs. he moved his twitchy hands towards one of the gray notches attached to his suits belt and cracked it open to reveal an assortment of buttons, his hand hovered trying to remember what Coran said when he was explaining the suits functions, especially these buttons.

Lances hand hovered over the button he recalls Coran saying turned off or on the suits automatic temperature adjustment. All Lance knows is that it's on, and it is wrong, it has to be broken, Lance felt like he was burning alive. With a quick push of the button the blue light that it held turned off and Lance felt a chill, and he memorialized that feeling only for this joy to swiftly be taken from him in as the heat returned, 'damn.' Soon after he turned the systems temperature control off his com's erupted with a new wave of concerned voices reached the Blue Paladins ears.

"Lance," Allura's angelic voice was coming through with a wave of disquiet he never knew she could produce, "why did you turn off your suit's heating?" Lance couldn't respond, he fell back to the floor to let out a whimper of pain, and starts to crawl to the hatch that rest on the roof of the lion. Lance only had one thing on his mind, ‘I need to get out to the cold. I'm melting here.’ His legs look like jello when he stands and grabs the latter on the roof next to the port.

Lance pulls the on the latter stepping his foot on the latter taking a wavering icy breath and begins to climb to the top. Once at the top Lance pushed it open after he turned some leavers to unlock said hatch. Once he stuck his head out he was met with an icy cold wind and the view of snow quickly covering his lion. 

~~~

“Paladins, Lance seems to be non-responsive to my calls to him. Coran can you inform the Paladins of Lance's condition as I try to figure out the cause of his condition,” Coran nodded in response as Allura quickly searched through documents searching for something similar to what is happening to Lance, but they might not line up considering Lance is human. Allura had to just pray that while she and Coran dealt with Lance the shield didn't fall.

Coran anxiously twisted his orange mustache as he look upon Lance's body monitor preparing what he's about to read to the Paladins. “Paladins, Lance’s condition doesn't seem good, all I can definitively report is that Lance's core body temperature is 83° Fahrenheit but it seems to drop lower when you go from Lance's elbows down, where the tips of his fingers are at 73° Fahrenheit and rising the closer you get to his core. From my knowledge of human bodies at 90° Fahrenheit your human bodies gain amnesia, from there at 82° Fahrenheit you lot have a high risk of falling unconscious, and the worst is at 70° Fahrenheit and below you reach a high risk of hypothermia and then death.

“But for us it seems that Lance is fighting to keep consciousness, but it's just as likely he is fighting hypothermia. I make this assumption do to the lowered amount of brain function he seems to be experiencing, as well as his breathing becoming irregular, which can be a sign of hypothermia or him on the verge of losing consciousness. It's hard to tell,” letting go of his mustache, Coran refocuses on the castles shields and aiming the cannons at enemy ships.

Right then they heard a familiar voice crack through the com's containing static, but not too much to where they couldn't hear him, ‘Lance’ they all thought.  
~~~

Lance could faintly hear the concerned voices of his fellow Teammates but he can't make out the words. Lance decides as he's crawling down his Lion that he should say something to comfort them that he's okay, so that's what he does. “Yooo, guy’sss e-everything down here is goooood,” Taking a deep breath he didn't realize just how hard it was to breath, but he can tell they stopped talking when they heard him so he continued. “I-I’m just going for a stroll out o-of the Lion siiince it was h-hot in there, and it seems even i-in the sssnow it's a-also hot,” Lance painted losing his breath, as well as the feeling in his hands.

 

In the distance the hypothermic Paladin saw something coming closer to his crashed ship. It seemed pretty big considering how far it was from him, but Lance was too tired to investigate so he sat down ignoring the muffled voices coming from his headset. He didn’t want to close his eyes just yet, but Lance could still feel the thumping of the magic. He’s never admitted that before, that he had magic, huh. I guess now is a better start than never, he’d have to accept it at some point. 

Lance slid down the side of his lion and relaxed against it when he sat on the ground into the snow, thanking the Alteans for designing waterproof Paladin armor. Lance looked down at his hands to see them turning a distinct purple and blue, ‘well that’s not good.’ He knew he shouldn’t use his magic, that it was dangerous to him and his friends but, it’s a part of him, should he really be denying it?

Lance let out a groan in pain, wishing this Fire would stop burning in his skin. ‘Shit, it was the ice that was burning him,’ Lance realized. ‘What am I gonna do?’ He thought to himself, curling up holding his exposed hands closer to his body.

~~~

Allura was so confused by her findings. The only thing even closely resembling what happened to Lance was some form of quintessence sickness that seemed to occur in Druids if they didn’t use their quintessence often enough. It seems that the quintessence would build up over time and negatively affect the body of its host as well as those around them on uncontrollable outburst of quintessence just escaping their bodies, but how it would leak was depending on how their quintessence was based. 

‘This couldn’t be right, Lance was human! Wasn’t he human? No, no, this is impossible, I’ll just ask Lance about it later.’

~~~

The beast Lance saw from far away was now closing in on him. He could see the outline through the snow falling down in thick waves, but it was harder because the beast was white. ‘Thanks Evolution.’ But it didn’t stop there, the creature looked like a cross between a squirrel (with the tail and the legs mostly), but for the most part had the shape of a pug, except the face, the face of this beast had no muzzle and had fly like eyes. ‘Horrifying.’

Slowly the Blue Paladin started to stand using the fallen lion as support for his wobbly legs. Looking over he was face to face with the beast, and the first thing he noticed was how the beast’s breath smelt like acid, ‘gross.’ Lance was practically pinned against his lion, so if the beast moved Lance couldn’t do anything, especially because he left his bayard in his lion. 

As soon as the beast pounced to have a quite boney meal, Lance flung his bare Ice covered hands out and blue streaks of what looked like electricity came out, but any Druid would know that it was only the way it appeared that resembled lightning and that when it stroke it wouldn’t do what electricity did to an unfortunate victim. The bolts of blue struck the creatures chest and when it howled it sounded more like a loud eerie whistle than a cry for pain. From the chest ice only settled in chunks hanging on the fur where it landed and then it dropped to the ground shaking a bit before it stopped.

‘Well crap, I think I froze it’s heart,’ that thought settled unwell with Lance. Lance felt better now, he felt cold, not hot, cold. That’s a drastic improvement from the hypothermia he was positive he was suffering from before. Suddenly he realized that the others could hear the beast through Lance’s microphone and Lance could hear their panicked voices. 

‘I’ve caused too much worry for them for one day,’ Lance decided, and he started to speak over the incoherent jumble of voices that was Team Voltron. “I’m fine guy’s! There was just this monster for a second, but I used my sharpshooting skills to kill it.,” Lance waited to be yelled at but instead he heard sighs of relief on the other side of the com’s. Hunk spoke up this time, Lance couldn’t tell what Hunk held in his voice, Happiness? Nervousness? Sadness? But all Lance knew was that Hunks words were carrying. “We panicked there for a second buddy, Coran yelled that your whole body temperature dropped to 57° without warning and we heard that shrill and you screaming-” Lance sputtered cutting off Hunk “I screamed? I-I don’t remember that.”

Timidly Lance started climbing back into his lion as silence filled the com’s only for Allura to pipe up, “We’ll discuss this later Lance, just figure out if you can join the fight or not. Just don’t do anything reckless or stupid.” Lance laughed and quickly responded “I’m not Keith, I’ll be fine!” only to get some laughs as well as a “Hey!” from Keith. As soon as Lance sat in the cockpit the lion came back to life and lance flipped his suit’s System Temperature Controls back on. The one thing Lance did notice was how his hands were lighter than normal, almost bleached, but it lead into his sleave’s so he pulled them up realizing they were getting back to his normal skin tone starting at the base of his fingers until it hit mid forearm where it achieved his normal skin tone. ‘Can’t hide these,’ Lance thought.

His lighter skin felt tender, even painful when in contact with things. ‘These are scars from when he was holding in his power, just great.’ The Blue Lion steared up to the sky back to Pidge and Keith who we’re still defending Hoth. But by the time he got up Shiro and Hunk signalled that they got all the rebels and refugees out of the base and that they could retreat. 

‘Way to go Lance! Missed the whole fucking fight because of some Keith worthy behavior,’ He chastised himself. ‘If only I had my Mother here to instruct me on how to control my powers,’ at that thought he stared at the frost and ice still lingering in the cockpit. ‘I should’ve listen when she said holding it in was bad. I only released a small amount, no doubt he only has a day or two before he’s back in the same spot he just was.’ Lance marked.

The flight back was quiet once they got everyone out of range of the fight and once they landed in the castles hangers they received orders to help unload the people they got off of planet Hoth. Hissing in pain as he released the lion’s controls, receiving no comment on that, thank goodness, he couldn’t take any more. He made his way over to where the Black and Yellow Lion opened to unload their allies Lance noticed one thing.

Shiro was hugging someone that looked a lot like an older and more masculine version of Pidge who seemed to have a thin scar on his cheek. Speaking of Pidge he noticed her little legs have never ran faster, not even when they’re running for their lives, as she yelled “MATT!”

Oh, so that’s who that was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo basically I need Beta readers for this fic, message me if you're interested!
> 
> The tumblr I use to post my writings (i.e. Fanfiction) is called spacedadcomeback on tumblr if y'all wanna find me there  
> My main tumblr tho (I don't post writing usually on this one) is lilhunteronacase
> 
> I really hopped y'all enjoyed it!!! I appreciate everything you guy's do! even if you don't leave a Kudo's I'm just happy people are reading it!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT! I just lost motivation for a while, but it's back full force!  
> Hope you enjoy what I have for you~

Matt seemed to have a scar on his cheek as well as some cool threads he was wearing. Lance hesitated to ruin the moment so he waited to the side till it looked like someone needed his help. But it seemed everything was already done and Matt was being introduced to everyone. They didn’t need Lance, and today’s mission only proved that he was more trouble than he was worth.

Lance turned around to walk to his room when an elderly alien stepped in front of him blocking his path to leave.Lance scrunched his face up in confusion. The longer he stayed, the more likely the other paladins will call him over to meet Matt, and he’s just not feeling it. The alien was a short lady with whispy gray hairs frizzing at the roots but smoothed out the further down her hair went, her eyes were a pure bright pink (kinda like a bug) with a pastel blue skin with one antenna sprouting from her forehead like a lantern fish. She parted her lips to show off sharp teeth as she spoke.

“young boy, I feel a great cold within you. I can feel it’s chaotic nature, a nature of something that cannot be soothed into peace unless death is on it’s doorstep. You must be wary, young boy, because I don’t know how much longer that frozen monster can be contained,” Lance shivered, her vioce was almost as cold as the words she spoke.

‘How could she have known? this was dangerous, Lance needed to get away. But… was she the one in danger? Why else would she have gone out of her way?’ Lance couldn’t handle any of what she was saying, it was messing with his head, he needed to get away. Without a second thought, Lance pushed past her and bolted to his room to lie down and just be by himself.

Lance changed back into his normal clothes, wanting to just get comfortable and relax, perhaps wear a face mask and nap (none of the Paladins could be mad about him wanting to take care of himself. That’s what they wanted after all). Then as Lance went to reach for his face mask he noticed something.

His hands.

‘Oh no, that’s a big issue. So long relaxation, hello new problem.’ Lance grabbed ahold of a drawer yanking it open with way more force than necessary, and the realization of how sensitive his hand’s actually were made him let out a low hiss. Nevertheless Lance grabbed some gloves gifted to him on som alien planet, and slid them on.

Instantly Lance felt better, well, emotionally. Physically his hands still held a dull ache, the blue paladin just can’t use that much force. Lance took a deep breath and decided to forget about the face mask and go straight for the nap.

With a swift move of the wrist the switch was down and Lance was faced with the fact he was scared. Moving swiftly into the bed the iced boy realized how alone he was. ‘Hopefully this is all some bad dream,’ and the second his head hit the pillow a comforting darkness took him into a dreamless sleep.

~~~

The world was dark when he opened his eyes, a repetition of a name, ‘his name?’ he pondered, and the quick beat of 3 knocks then the same name being called again. Stretching his gloved hand in front of his face the world felt like it was submerged water. Glancing at the sheet’s they were covered with beautiful designs done in frost, his eyes trailed them till he saw his wall done in the same but slightly different designs done in frost as well. ‘How odd,’ he pondered a small smile creeping up his face. He was at peace like this.

The knock and another shout disturbed the peace the paladin found. 

Throwing the bedding off and dropping bare feet to the ground it felt moist, ‘huh,’ he glanced down to see frost there too. Standing up earned a satisfying crunch and continued with each step towards the door, if only to get the noise to stop. Glancing quickly to the side Lance saw his reflection in a mirror sitting on his dresser. Someone with White-blue hair and navy marks looked back and he grasped the mirror. 

Holding the Mirror up he tried to focus on changing back, ‘come on, come on,’ was religiously chanted in his head. He opened his eyes and nothing has changed. ‘This isn’t right. I should be normal right now,’ instantly the grip tightened on the mirror as the name being called and the knocks just became twenty times more terrifying. 

Lance glanced at the door, quickly replying with a response, in order to keep the person from opening the door, 

“what do you want?” His voice was just a tad higher than usual due to panic, but it was hardly noticeable. The voice that echoed back notifying the closeted Altean that it was Keith, of all people this has got to be the one Lance least expected, “Lance! We're having a meeting. I can understand you're tired but get to the dining room soon,” Lance was a bit taken back, Keith's voice was shockingly delicate. It was almost as if he was talking to a wild animal.

“I'll be out soon, let the other's know I'm on my way,” 

“Okay,” and the Red Paladin’s footsteps faded indicating he was walking away. Lance's grip on the mirror loosened as he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. Glancing back at the mirror he still hasn't changed, so taking a deep breath and closing his eyes he tried one more time and he felt his skin move.

When he opened his eyes again and looked into the mirror and smiled as he was back to normal. Lance was already wearing is normal clothes, except his jacket, and they were only wrinkled from being slept in. Setting the mirror down Lance smoothed his pant’s with his gloved hands and snatched his jacket that was lying on the end of his bed and stood in front of the door, not daring to push the button to open.

‘Is this really a good idea? What are they having a meeting about? Hopefully not about me..,’ with the whirlwind fire of thoughts he looked down at the gray gloves on his hands. Knowing he couldnt keep them waiting longer the Blue Paladin tightened his hands into balls feeling his nails through the glove’s into his palms. With courage he didn’t know he had he hovered his hand over the button and pushed, watching the door slide open quickly.

Long legs carried him down the hall to the dining room, anticipating the worst. The door’s to the dining room were already open, when he came up the the door peering in to get a vibe of the meeting before he entered. No one was serious, mad, or sad- but, in fact, laughing and happy, especially Pidge.

Contemplating to enter or not, Lance just stood there like a statue and spacing out, only to be brought back in by a joyous shout of “who’s that guy?” from the one he earlier learned was Matt, Pidge’s brother. Lance decided it wouldn’t hurt to have some fun with the new guy so he put on his shiniest smile and scrunched up his eyes and sauntered in with an air of confidence. 

“Whaddup! I’m Lance Mcclain and I pilot the Blue Lion,” he said reaching a hand out. Matt took the hand eagerly, not realizing that the glove’s were abnormal.

“Nice to meet you, Lance, I’m Matt Holt, Rebel and Katie’s br-” 

“Brother, I know. She wouldn’t shut up about you.” Lance peered past Matt aiming his gaze to a flustered girl in a pair of round glasses. 

Lance smiled at her as he watched her puff up in frustration, already knowing she’s calculating ways to make his more of a living hell than it already is. Matt glanced behind him to see what the Blue Paladin was smirking at, and as soon as he saw his little sister puffed out like a small angry kitten he couldn’t help but slap his knees as he let out a snicker bending over to hid his face. Instantly Pidge knew she was screwed and both Matt and Lance can see the realization set on her face causing them more joy.

Lance cackled as the youngest only got more flustered. Soon the rest of the Paladin’s and the Altean’s were either trying to hide their smirks or laughter at Pidge’s situation. 

Allura was the first to stop having a laughing fit noticing Lance wearing gloves- reminding her that something was off about Lance, Allura cough rather forcefully to gain everyone’s attention. As soon as all noise quiet down and all eye’s were on her she decided to ease into the dreaded conversation.

Allura opened her mouth as she used a soft voice which complimented her accent well, almost like she was cooing at a baby, “Lance, why are you wearing gloves? I’ve never seen you wear those before,” at this the person in question stiffened. Somehow he must find a way around this to make it appear normal, but Lance already felt it was too late, all eye’s we’re on his hands and flicking to his face in a mix between confused and worried eye’s.

Matt seemed lost, he didn’t realize that such a thing as wearing gloves could cause so much emotions, that’s when he realized that it wasn’t normal and decided to stay quiet hopping to learn more about the situation.

Coran was the first to talk to Lance as he left the question unanswered, being the only one able to break the tense silence, “number three, may I see your hands?” 

Lance lifted up his gloved hands next to his face as if it gave any on them what they wanted. Shiro was the one to join in his time, “Coran means without the gloves,” and everyone knew that the boy in front of them knew this. None of them would allow Lance to suffer in silence, at least longer than they have been letting him get away with already, and today’s mission is the catalyst for that.

Deciding the only thing to do was get defencive Lance let out a beaten laugh, and continued to speak with a just as beaten tone, making it feel as though Lance had nothing else to lose, as if he was ready to just die if they attacked him. Not willing to give them the satisfaction of him struggling. His voice came out scratchy, probably from emotion, and dull.

“I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to.” No one wanted to argue, but if Lance wanted to play hard Shiro is willing to knock him on his ass.

“I’m not sure I can let you fight anymore if you’re only being torn apart like this, Lance, We’re worried about you, just show us your hand’s,” Shiro’s voice came out quieter and more desperate than anyone’s heard, but there was a silent threat, a one of caring too much.

An icicle of a person stepped back from shock, bending inwards a little shying away from the negative attention. Coran spoke again this time, in an attempt to sooth Lance but acknowledge what Shiro said, hoping to ease him into talking.

“Lance, you need to understand that we care about you and that this is all out of love. You need to understand that if we can not ensure your wellbeing, we cannot ensure those that we came to rescue and the rest of the Paladin’s safety as well. We’ll do what we must, but, you do understand that -” Lance broke into the conversation, tear’s leaking into the lower rim of his eyes teetering on the break of overspilling onto his cheek’s.

His voice was hoarse as he spoke barely above a whisper, because if he went any louder he can’t ensure nothing bad will happen.  
“So, you don’t really care about me, but Voltron istead? Is that what this is about? Am I only still here because you can’t find a replacement for the Blue Lion yet?” The air seemed to leave Lance’s lung’s as his chest tightened at his word, he doesn’t know if he could really take showing the darkness in his heart like this, but his words didn't carry the anger he felt, or even the shame. They carried dull acceptance and came out flat. Everyone, including Matt, was struck with a cold, empty sadness. Did Lance really think that?

“Actually, Lance, we don’t need you to form Voltron," Hunk's eyes watered, opening his mouth, the Yellow Paladin attempted to stop the altean, but she didn't listen, “I went on my own one night to check out the lion’s to see how they were fairing and out of a pull I felt towards the Blue Lion I wondered in and sat in the pilot seat, and it responded to me,” unknowingly Allura ripped out what little feeling that he was needed and shredded it beyond a point of return. The Altean Princess continued, desperate to help the palaidan who she just shattered, “so you see, Lance, we could always replace you with me, but we haven’t. And that is because we care about you,” she gestured forward to the broken boy, ignoring the look’s she got from her confession. ‘She did the right thing revealing this, right?’ Allura thought unsure.

Lance can already feel the snow storm begin to rage inside him, perhaps that was the cold monster the elderly alien warned him about. But he can feel his insecurities reaching him, he knows now he’s effectively useless. He has nothing to lose except his sanity, so Lance turned around silently as tears rolled down his cheeks as he wiped at them furiously as he retreated. He heard his name being shouted and for him to return, but none of them moved, and you know what him mama always told him ‘actions speak louder than words.’

As soon as the teary eyed boy reached his room he pushed the button to lock the door making his way to the bathroom to make a desperate call as he gave up control on his true skin and letting the temperature plummet as each step he now takes leave’s frost on the metallic floor. He shed his jacket and gloves dropping them on the floor before the entrance of the bathroom before he walks in. Glancing up Lance is met with a face that he keeps seeing more and more often, one he knows he should recognize but doesn’t.

Tracing his finger’s over his blue mark’s trailing his finger down his mark as it curved down his cheek at an unnatural angle, something Lance knows now from secretly reading the altean books on the ship and Coran and Allura as prime examples of how his mark’s should look. He also noted how his skin still held it’s light brown tone but also contained a slight purple tinge, something that happens from quintessence poisoning to Alteans, that’s something his Mother told him. But the cheek mark’s are from over exposure of quintessence in the womb, something else he figured out on his own from his private studies up the ship. From what he can tell the few inches he gains and the white-blue hair are the only normal Altean thing about him. 

Deciding to do what he came to the bathroom to do he closes and locks the bathroom door and stands in front of the sink gazing, again, back into the mirror twisting the only manual thing on this unforgiving Castle- the sink knobs. He plugs the sink as he watches the water rise too high, Blaming the overflow on racing thoughts bringing him away from reality and a headache starting to form due to the all the quintessence buildup Lance wipes his eyes knowing that if he shows weakness it will be the end for him.

Standing in front of the sink was a desperate boy about to do something he already regrets, but he really has no choice. He truly is at her mercy. Hopefully she’ll show humanity upon her son and only heir. He knows his mother is waiting for him to do it, call her back, from the previous conversation. Lance still doesn’t know what his mother wants from him, as well as how she’s going to help him. Those two questions spin in his head till he is effectively dizzy and ready for the answers to the most scary questions in his life.

‘How is his mother going to fix him and at what cost.’

With that Lance plunged his hands into the water watching it freeze over, looking at his frost burnt hands inside the water and watching it freeze different from last time. Last time the clear liquid froze more elegantly creating patterns, like the frost from this morning, but this time round it seemed hard and broken looking. Instantly Lance knows that this is irregular. Lance had to use some force this time to pull his hands out of the semi frozen water, and tapping the top of the ice sealing the rest closed as he seeked out his Mother’s connection thinking of her, just how his Mother taught him.

At this point Lance knows he’s not holding back as much of his power as he should, but what does he care, he’s just replaceable. Considering that the whole floor and now the bottom of the walls was graced with a cold white frost indicating the Castle probably notified someone of the abnormality in his room, ‘but who would care enough to check.’

Almost instantly after that thought his mother’s face flickered on the ice as she had an eerie smile on her face. “Hello, mother. I am here to talk about our deal. What is going to happen and what do you want from me?” 

Lance could feel his leg’s shaking less from the cold and more from the fear and anxiety he felt at this moment. She showed off her face as she pulled down her hood and removed her mask to reveal the same whitish-blue lock’s cropped around her face in a short cut and similar looking mutated marks on her face. 

“My dear son, I would only wish to trade you being able to heal from this overbearing illness and in trade come with me,” her eye’s met Lance’s as she continued, “I want you to come with me to train to be a proper druid, like you were born to be. I’ve revealed our history and your current situation to The High Priestess and she has agreed to let you come with us and train.” The Blue Paladin’s mouth just hung open unable to form words for a bit till he caught his own tongue but stumbled upon his words, “I just- I’m a Paladin, how can I just- uh- Does Haggar know about that part of me that I’m- wait how can I just leave for no reason they won’t- I mean- I can’t just- with no reason!” His hands flew wildly as he talked, 'so child like' the women in the ice though, her heart melting, 'like the child I’ve lost.' When Lance stopped failing, he could couldn't tell the difference between his mother's warm heart and her cool stare.

Lance hissed in a breath as he waited for his Mother to decode his crypted rant, and answer him. She waited for him to settle a little more before she spoke.

“High Priestess Haggar knows and she’s actually, shockingly, happy over your Paladin history. I have also set up a good enough reason for you to be with the Galra,” his mother looked over at something to her left and beckoned with her hand for something (someone?) to come closer. Movement could be evident behind her head, but still obscured by her face, she smiled, pleased with herself, “I’ve convinced the Haggar herself to grant me the Green Paladin’s father as a trade for you,” she moved out of the way revealing Sam Holt unconscious being held up by his arms by two galran droids.

Lance knew the choice was obvious, they trade two people and then two family reunions happen- not like Lance will be needed nor missed. Being the only one to pilot the Blue Lion was the only reason he’s stayed this far anyway, and Allura destroyed that tether. There was only one other issue he has, 

“will I have to attack my fr- team?” his mother seemed prepared as she stepped back into full view covering the Holt, “not unless you want to, I simply want to train you lo learn control and say by my side forever,” a shiver went down the Blue Paladin’s spine at the way she said it.

The deal seemed to good to be true, but what choice does he have. Lance looked up for a minute at the ceiling to take in the fog appearing out of the vent due to the hot air from the Castle system’s meeting the cold air Lance produced that took over the whole area, along with the frost higher on the walls. Lance looked back at his mother and sighed. He truly doesn’t have a choice. his team's safety was the first reason to go, you can’t hurt someone you’re not around, and the second reason to go was the fact that the whole Holt family could be reunited, which would be selfish if Lance declined, he can’t pick himself over reuniting a family.

“Mother, I agree to these conditions.”

Looking down at the sink he can see his mother’s smile grew, as she uttered the next bit with the most joy he has ever heard her say.

“You made a wonderful choice, my son. I recommend you put on your Paladin armor now,” and that was it when she ended the transmission. ‘What have I done,’ Lance thought. Suddenly he sees red lights flashing and Allura’s voice over the speaker’s, “All Paladin’s we are getting an impromptu call from the galra, come to the control room immediately!” but he was done getting into his Paladin armor, and was almost out the door till he realized he was still in his Altean skin. Lance backed into the restroom and closed his eyes knowing how he wants to look, and when he flashed them open he was met with the sight he’s been seeing for years, something comfortably familiar.

He’s back out the door going down the hall and know’ he’s going to be the last one to arrive, like always. He runs up the to the large doors and they slide open quickly granting him entrance, but the first thing he notices is Haggar,the High Priestess herself, next to the sight of Sam Holt unconscious and in a pile on the ground, he quickly looks to Pidge and Matt who are silently holding their hands tightly, keeping their mouths close in fear of making a mistake and never being able to see their father again. Then to everyone else, not daring to look away from the screen all figure’s in the room stiff.

As soon as Lance comes into Haggar’s view she smiled. “Hello, Voltron,” she spat the title with disgust, probably from Zarkon’s obsession and less from the actual robot. “I have a deal for you all, and do not take it lightly. I will give you this man,” she gestured to Sam, “if only in return I receive your Blue Paladin.” The room fell silent. 

'Now the everyone must be wondering if my odd behavior is connected to this. I mean it is, but I’d rather them not know.’ Everyone’s gaze turns to Lance, everyone holding to many emotions, and Lance knew what to do before any of them grew a voice.

“DEAL!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IDK if any of y'all want my social media's ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ (also discord server's) so if you do I'll give it, I guess, and if I do I'll post update's about how the writing is going on it.
> 
> email's: spacedadcomeback@gmail.com (fanfic email) or quadraticquail@gmail.com (personal)
> 
> If anyone can show me how to Italicize and bold on Ao3 You'd see so much more personality in these chapters, trust me.
> 
> I'm so sorry I haven't posted in so long \O^O/ So if you stuck it out I wanna pat you on the back because tbh why would you? I want to try and get a posting scheduled done and finish them before I post so I can start the next chapter.  
> ~~BTW every Kudo's and Comment brought back my motivation to finish this so I thank you all so much <3~~


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the bad update schedule! My computer is really bad to write/post on, so it's hard. RIP.
> 
> This chapter has a lot of flashbacks and so will the next one, so sorry if that stuff is boring to you!

he silence was deafening, so quiet you could hear a pin drop from across the room. Haggar was just smiling as her eyes fervent into Lance’s head, making Lance look around so he wouldn’t meet her gaze. ‘This is the right choice. This was for them. Everything will be okay,’ The High Priestess next words were honeyed, not even trying to hide her smile, “what a wise decision. We’ll be in contact,” and then the transmission cut.

He was aware of everyone's gaze boring into him. Digging into every action, every word he'd said from since they'd met as a team. He began to shake. They probably want to understand, a voice in the back of his head muttered, they're angry, confused - “you're a teammate! No. I'm not.” Lance growled. Their eyes. Pity, anger, confusion. He hated it. Lance wanted to back away, but he couldn’t move, he felt frozen and this time- not in the literal sense. Lance looked up looking around now not only feeling the eye’s on him, but now seeing them too, and it broke Lance’s heart. He was the reason, if only he could explain but in the end it’s safer for them to live in ignorance than know about the monster he really was.

Keith’s step towards Lance echoed throughout the room, drawing all eye’s to his red face, something much more aggressive than displeasure at what has just conspired. The steps seemed to quicken faster than what the Blue Paladin predicted they’d go, and was only shaken out of his shock as Keith shoved the front of Lance’s breast plate back in rage and slammed him into one of the large windows leaning into the pinned boy’s face. Lance could only watch in unmoving horror as Keith boiled over his obvious breaking point.

The words that are soon spilling out of Keiths chapped lips sounded so distraught not holding the anger that he appears to have, “why? Lance, why would you ever agree to something like that? You don’t know what they want! The second you’re in their hands they’ll probably torture or kill you! Fuck! Why would you leave us, why would you leave me?” No one had perhaps heard the fiery Paladin so broken before, he started choking up as tears started to swell in his eyes, as his fist loosened on Lance’s armor beginning to weakly beat at his chest.

Everyone around them had their feet glued, staring at them unblinking still trying to process all that has happened. Shiro moved forward slinging an arm around Keith’s waist, pulling him away from Lance as he weakly tried to grasp at the cuban. “Lance,” Shiro’s voice came out feeble, “we can’t go through with this. I… I can’t lose anymore friends to the galra.” His eyes were so broken, the one he held those broken eye’s on couldn’t take it anymore.

So he ran. He ran from the room and into the hall, bolting to his one sanctuary, his quarters. There were no footsteps to follow, probably all still in shock, and Keith’s anguished cries seemed to fade the only indication to Lance how far he’s going in such a short amount of time. 

Till it was all silent. Like what they always said space would be, and it’s unsettling. Placing his hand on the sensor for his door it slid open and Lance stepped in, feeling so emotionally drained he stopped feeling anything. He just felt the cold underneath his skin clawing to get out. 

But not yet, soon the cold will flow out freely, but not now, he has to hold on and be strong.

Quickly Lance reached under his bed pulling out an empty duffle bag and turned around heading to the bathroom sweeping all his beauty products off of the shelves and into his bag, grabbing his shampoo and quickly throwing it into the duffle bag. Soon his legs were carried to his dresser, opening the drawers placing what little clothes he had into the bag then looking at the mirror on top of the dresser, and took in his reflection.

He look so disheveled, his brown hair was like a porcupine with the way it was sticking, and his eyes had deep bags, on top of that he look so frail. His cheeks seem to start to sink in, ‘when was the last time I ate?’ and the black bodysuit he was wearing looked so small on him, it probably didn’t help he was tall. The thing about his reflection that caught him the most off guard was how much he was shaking- like a wet chihuahua- and how he just didn’t notice it. How could he not notice something with his own body, surely everyone else could see this, but why couldn’t I?

Shaking his head letting his hair move wildly in an attempt to let him be free from what he’s looking at. Reaching a, now more noticeable, shaky hand and turned the mirror facing it down on the dresser so he doesn’t have to look at himself any longer. Quickly walking over to his desk he grabbed his jacket and slipped it on over his armor in hopes of gaining some comfort. The Paladin opened the top left drawer and pulled out a pen and paper, something that’s not overly advance for just a simple job. Sitting down in the desk chair he pulled out setting the duffle bag down he started to get to work.

A goodbye letter needed to be written, and the druid knew that this would probably the last time they would be able to contact each other. At the very least, contact each other as friends, so he began writing. Soon the words started to make his heartache and tears started slipping down his face, hands unable to stop them from hitting the paper.

Once Lance was don he looked one last time at the paper and then the door, ‘when should I leave? I can’t have them stop me, or worse, follow me.’ Letting the thoughts stir the soon to be ex-paladin decided to wait till everyone fell asleep. Today should be hard enough that they probably would be sleeping so heavy from exhaustion that they’ll never notice him leave.

Before he knew it, it was time to leave to his new home. Grabbing his duffle bag with melancholy and walked silently down the Castle halls one last time, taking in every detail and committing it to memory. Finally reaching the ship hold he took a deep breath and opened the doors heading towards a Space Shuttle, and opening the entrance he climbed up dropping his bag next to him as he disabled the tracking, so they couldn’t find him. Gripping the wheel he started the ship up and took of into the silent dark depth of space, soon to enter his apprenticeship. 

Space dragged on and he could only imagine what it must’ve been like ten thousand years ago when his Mother sent him off. This bringing Lance back into an old tale he could never forget. How his mother became the bad guy and he was sent away from a home he’ll only know from stories.

~~~

She fell in love quick but the fire never died, and soon a small bundle was on the way. She was beautiful, with blue hair and red altean marks, and she worked with her friend, Honerva, on their study of quintessence. Then Honerva met Zarkon and she loved watching her friend fall in love.

“Cruella! You don't understand he is so sweet, he took me to this fancy restaurant and everything!” Honerva’s cat was rubbing against her leg as she gushes about her new lover wildly. Cruella laughed and rested her hands on her protruding stomach, taking in her life, everything was just so perfect. 

She was on cloud 9, nothing could go wrong.

That's when it all seemed to go down hill. She seemed to be getting more sick and she knows whatever it is it's affecting the baby, so Cruella takes maternity leave. Each time she comes back to visit Honerva seems to be getting worse and worse. She slowly becomes more empathetic and more obsessed with her research.

“Please,” Cruella’s voice is begging, “Honerva, you are not well!” Honerva let out a laugh in response to her pleas, “I'm so close to succeeding, I can feel it. You should come back and we can finish our research together.” Cruella sighed, “I'll come back once I have the baby,” their eyes met, “I promise.” 

But by the time she had her child Honerva was worse, but she wriggling a finger infront of the baby's face, Honerva smiled. It seemed so sad. “what's his name?” smiling Cruella scooted closer to her friend, “I named him Lance. What do you think?” For the first time in what feels like a century Honerva laughs, “I think it is a wonderful name. Are you coming back now to research?” Cruella sighed, “yeah.”

Cruella brought Lance into the lab with her today, setting up a crib in the Lab to watch him. Honerva creeped over to look at lance quizzically,  
“His altean marks are weird? His hair is also multicolored in a mix of white and blue, very odd.” she mused reaching out to stroke Lance’s head, curious but content.  
Cruella looked over sad, “I believe exposure in the womb from quintessence mutated his gene’s a bit,”  
Honerva looked more intently at Lance, “I do not yet understand the full effects of what has happened to him, but I will just have to learn along the way.”  
Looking to meet each others eyes, Honerva opened her mouth, “we will learn together, for Lance,”  
“for Lance,” she echoed, knowing she wasn’t alone.

Around the time Lance turned one their research facility was destroyed by the monster from the rift, and they had a new base of operations, the only difference between Honerva and Cruella was that Cruella took breaks when she was feeling ill while Honerva worked through it. This is how they ended up where they are now, Honerva sick from quintessence poisoning, her hair unnaturally white different from her normal grayish-purple hair, and her eye’s searching frantic, gaze lingering on the sleeping Lance in her arms. The similarities are very scary to look at between what current state Honerva is in and her own son, no doubt quintessence affected them both, especially evident by the shared shape in altean markings now adorning their faces.

That was the last time she saw Honerva as Honerva. The next time they meet she goes by a new name, Haggar. And she is promising her son safety if she joins her to continue their research. One day she fears the quintessence will be too much and she’ll end up like her best friend. So that’s how she ended up placing her heart in a cryo pod, frozen in time, and sending him off. Hopefully when he finds a planet all the videos and notes she left with him will be intact.

~~~

Time seemed to fly and before he knew it he was in front of a galra base letting out a signal to be hailed. As soon as he landed his shuttle in the hanger his ship was swarmed with droids and Galran troops alike all pointing their guns at his shuttle, waiting. ‘It’s showtime,’ Lance thought and he shed his human skin taking on his natural Altean appearance. Popping open the top of the ship giving him access outside Lance raised his arms up notifying that he doesn’t want to fight, “I am hear for a trade with High Priestess Haggar!” he declared, and he waited as one of the Galra that looked like a general talk on a communication device, and soon enough two druids he really didn’t want to see were walking his way, signalling for everyone to get back to duty. Soon enough everyone has cleared.

Lance grabbed his duffle bag and jumped down in front of them, and then awaited their next move. Haggar turned around and signalled for Lance to follow, and he did so hesitantly. ‘This is my new life, I better get used to it.’ 

They’re in front of a large door, his Mother pushed the door open revealing a dark room, the only light coming from what looks like a cryopod with the form of Sam Holt resting inside. He was so immersed in staring at the Pod that he forgot about the other occupants in the room, that was until his mother coughed breaking him from his trance, “we put a transmitter that will be a frequency for the castle to catch, we just need you to enter where it is so the pod can go to it,” he didn't like her smile when she finished that sentence.

Slowly walking up to the pod she tapped her hand of the pod hitting a few buttons before Beckoning with her hand for the ex-paladin to come closer to the pod. One close he can see altean letters sprawled all over, ‘she probably changed the language setting for him,’ and he entered where he knew the Castle last was. Haggar motioned for some droids to take the pod away, most likely going to send it into space.

Looking over her grainy voice said, “I'll give you two some time,” and with that it was just Lance and his mother. The silence was thick, but she silently moved closer till he was in her arms, “I thought I'd never be able to hold you again,” she pulled back so now she was just holding his arms. He couldn’t move, he felt frozen. This woman that use to verbally abuse him, but then seem to be a different person at times with a sweet personality, the personality you’d expect a mother to have. 

Being in his mother's arms terrified him, but also gave him comfort and love he doesn’t want to find nice and pleasant but he does anyway. He relaxes in the hold but only reciprocates it by resting his head on the her high shoulders. She releases him too quick as she stands by the door and motions him to follow her as she leaves.

He hurries after her in an attempt to not lose her. She halts her pace abruptly in front of a huge metal door lined with fluorescent purple lights. She smiled at him as she let her voice drag out in a bored tone, “This is your room, get yourself adjusted. Feel free to roam the halls, this is your life now, you better get acquainted with everything. I’ll send someone to you if you need to be summoned,” and she was gone as quickly as she came.

Lance was left with a daunting door, a testament to his new life. This door is his new life, even if it’s silly, he’s terrified of it. Once he walks in and unpacks his duffle bag there is no going back. He’s dead to Voltron and he can never come back once he opens that door. Turning back ended when they launched Sam Holt into space, but a small bit whispers to him ‘it’s never too late. You can go back to them and explain the situation.’ 

But the voice is wrong.

Pressing his hand against the hand key, it slid open. The room was truly bare, but at least it was well lit, at least compared to the rest of the dingy galran ship. Setting his duffle bag on the floor, ‘I’ll put my stuff up later,’ Lance started to strip the Paladin armor he kept off of himself, taking in the audible thuds on the floor ground him from spiraling. 

After he was left in his body suit he decided to lay down and let the massive changes on his life.

‘What have I done.’

He just stared at the dark gray ceiling and thought of a better time. He remembers cooking with his abuelita, and following Veronica around like a lost duck, and his dad throwing him into the air. He remembers when they explained how they found him.

~~~~

There was a big boom in the back of the house, as if something crashed. The father ushered his wife to stay with their children as he inspects what the noise was, and if they needed to evacuate. He grabbed the metal bat and kissed his wife, hoping it wouldn’t be the last time, and he stepped into the night.

As he crept out in the dark he shined his flashlight around only to notice smoke coming from a newly formed crater in their wheat fields. He made silent steps as he came to the crater edge and noticed some weird spacecraft, and he prayed he wasn’t about to be the first victim in an alien invasion and slid down next to the strange ship.He saw flashing red on the black cover, the ship was so small, but then he heard it.

Crying. Not just any crying, but it sounded like a baby. The cries pushed him forward and into the crater next to the ship, he could care less if this infant had 3 eyes and 4 legs, he had to help this baby.

A baby who was probably so terrified and quickly he pried the small craft open to reveal an almost human like baby, except for weird blue face markings and light blue hair reaching almost white. 

“Oh you poor thing, all alone,” and he reached in and scooped the infant in his arms, only to notice a bag close by in the ship with weird inscriptions on it. Adjusting the crying baby he grabbed the bag and put the strap over his shoulder and started his trek back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! The next chapter is in progress!
> 
> Note for the next chapter, is that it is gonna continue off of this flashback <3  
> I also would like some beta readers! So if you're interested email me (either email) or leave a comment!
> 
> Emails:  
> spacedadcomeback@gmail.com (fanfic email)  
> quadraticquail@gmail.com
> 
>    
> Tumblrs:  
> shiroclone (main Voltron blog)  
> spacedadcomeback (shared writing blog)  
> lilhunteronacase (main blog, has everything)

**Author's Note:**

> I hope y'all enjoyed! I posted this because I wanna push myself to finish this Fic! I'll try and get the next part up next week!


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